Sasuke's Secret
by The Pie Man
Summary: A Sequel from my other story, Kakashi's Love, this story takes place after his party. NOTE: THIS STORY IS NOT! I REPEAT NOT! FOR SASUKE FANS. VOTE FOR PARINGS WITH SASUKE! NO sakura,kakashi,naruto. ANY OTHER PAIRING WILL DO VOTING STARTS NOW!
1. Chapter 1

**_Sasuke's Secret_**

This is a sequel to my other story, Kakashi's Love, but this fic is all about Sasuke being retarded.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but if I did, Sasuke would dance around in a pink tutu and scram 'I love cow shit'…… Now on with the story. This story is not for Sasuke fans…. I repeat not for Sasuke fans….. trust me….. Sasuke fans would not want to read this

After Kakashi's "Moment" with Ayame……. The ramen girl at Ichiraku…..

Everybody had left his party. His parents wanted to have some alone time at home so they asked Sasuke to go out. He obeyed and left.

(A/N: You all want 2 know about his secret right? TOO BAD! It will happen at sometime later in this chapter)

He strolled down the street looking for nothing in particular.

He then spotted a book store…… but not just any book store. It was labeled XXX Adults only. He then saw his sensei…… the famous Kakashi the porn loving strong ninja with the speacial mangekyou to cast deadly doujutsu.

He was holding his famous boook written by non other than Jirayia the toad hermit who's a super pervert.

Sasuke was wondering what was in the Icha-Icha book and decided to buy a book, he walked in the store and the guy at the cashier just stared at him. Sasuke asked the cashier "What are you looking at?" he spat at the cashier, but the cashier just ignored him. Sasuke then picked up the Icha-Icha Paradise Vol 1 but forgot 2 bring some money. He then walked to the door only 2 be stopped by the cashier.

Sasuke stared at the cashier with his sharingan and asked "What?". He cashier saw this and let him go. Sasuke left and went home. He unwrapped his book and started reading it.

(A/N: I'm not going to say what he read cause I'm not a pervert unlike some people)

When he read the first page, he had trickles of blood dropping from his nose, a huge blush spreaded across his cheeks. He wanted to stop but he could't tear his eyes from the book. He was to engrossed in the book. He then read the second page and he felt something grow hard.

(A/N: HAHAHAHAHA he's a pervert now no use asking me to change him)

The book even had pictures that Sasuke would stare at for a very long time. When he turned another page of the book his nose shot out a geyser of red liquid that was called blood. He recovered from that… Natural Phanomenon

called a nose bleed

****

_**I will stop it now but if you would like me to continue I want too get 7 or more reviews ehehehehhe I'm evil so quickly get reviewing**_

_**The Pie Man**_

_**Happy Reviewing**_


	2. Grandma's lingerie and dancing

Sasuke's Secret Chapter 2 

I decided to be nice and just write another chap. I'd like to answer some of your reviews.

_Sasukefreak:_

_Although I cant make this a KakaSasu fic because I like Kakashi, I just put my other fic 4 fun. Although you can vote parings for Sasuke if u like… just no Sakura_

_007Al:_

_I'm sorry, but I cant make Sasuke non perverted, I hate Sasuke and want to humiliate Sasuke 4 the rest of my life. Heheheh, Furthermore once you read Icha-Icha you get to engrossed in it and can't stop. Try explaining Kakashi for me. Your name sounds very familiar can you tell me where your from?_

_4 The other 2 Reviewers:_

_Thanks for the support guys heheheheheh I'll try make this fic longer than my other. Now, ON WIT THE STORY!_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but if I did…. Sasuke would……… nah I won't say it _

Sasuke's Secret 

After the incident with the geyser of blood, Sasuke decided that he should sleep instead of reading on and start chanting Icha-Icha-Icha-Icha Icha-Icha throughout the whole day.

He fell asleep dreaming about the dirty things in the book. The next morning, Sasuke awoke from a very… naughty dream. He then proceeded to the place where men call it the throne, the Toilet! When he reached the toilet, He scratched is butt with one hand and picked his nose with the other hand.

He then took a whiff of his hand that was scratching his butt. He coughed and proceeded to the shower. When he reached the shower. He turned on the water to freezing cold and started to sing,

_**I Believe In Miracles,**_

_**YA SEXAH THANG!**_

He then proceeds to slap his butt after the… colorful words

(A/N: He repeats this through out the shower.)

The neighbors heard this and started throwing frying pans, stones, eggs and grannies lingerie. Yes, you heard it, grandma's lingerie. When grandma's lingerie came flying into his house he screamed thanks and put the lingerie on his head and started dancing the way Indians dance in only his towel, on the balcony.

Many fan girls came and took snapshots of Sasuke only in his towel and grandma's lingerie. He then decided that there was enough dancing. He then raced to his closet, only to find, nothing there. He then remembered throwing his clothes into the dumpster because he needed to find places to hide his precious Icha-Icha.

With a blink of an eye, he teleported to the nearest clothes store only to find…

HAHAHHAHHA it ends here folks, don't you just love cliffhangers? I don't but I still use them anyway hehehhee its gonna be like the last chappie, if I don't get another 3 reviews I wont wright another chapter… I was to lenient with you all…. Anyway who cares stay tuned.

_**The Pie Man**_


	3. NOSEBLEEDS ROCK!

**_Sasuke's Secret Chapter 3_**

Time to answer your reviews.

007al:

I asked because your name sounded familiar...heheheh, if you hate sasuke why did you say not to turn him into a pervert in your 1st review hmm?hehehe nvm i'm gonna make him worse than kakashi. note: later on in this fic he will go to orochimaru, but dont worry, this is a humor fic, he doesnt fight anybody.

Ichigo -dattebayo:

Sasuke fans should be more like you hehheheh thanks for the support.

Disclaimer: I dont own Naruto, but if I did Sasuke would be gay which I'm considering in this fic.

_**Previously... **_

With a blink of an eye, he teleported tot the nearest clothes store only to find...

(A/N: Read the "Previously" section, I'm lazy to re-type it again...)

The store filled with plenty of clothes and girls, not just any girls, the female population of every town or city in the 5 shinobi nations. He just ignored the photos being taken of him with a towel and grandma's underwear.

He walked to the clothes rack only to find them... missing, when he turned around to ask what happened to all the clothes, he found that all the girls of the shinobi nation were holding the clothes, grinning like a Cheshire cats.

He then decided to ask Sakura for a shirt and Ino got a pair of pants. Sasuke then walked to Sakura and said "Sakura, can I please have a shirt?" She replied "I will, after you strip that towel hehehehe." He then decided that a towel was just as good as a rain coat.

He walked into the famous shop in chapter 1 and bought Icha-Icha Paradise Vol 2. He then proceeded to his home and started reading his book only to be disturbed by the maids and his brother. He decided to move out of the Uchiha Manor and into an apartment. He asked his parents for a share of the Uchiha fortune.

The Next Day

Team 7 was waiting for a certain person... and its not Kakashi, its our favorite character, Sasuke. They waited the whole day for Sasuke which didn't show up the whole day. Naruto started getting more impatient, Sakura was in rage and Kakashi, was just... Kakashi, not botherring about a thing, just absorbed into his orange paperback book. Naruto finally cdouldn't stand it, so he ran to Sasuke's house to see what he was doing that could stop him from is precious training.

Naruto reached Sasuke's Manor and looked into his room only to find, Icha-Icha books everywhere and he saw grandma's undies (A/N: refer to Chapter 2) stuck on his door. He scanned the room only to find Sasuke staring at a picture on the wall, not just any picture but a picture of a naked girl. Naruto fell to the ground with a severe nosebleed.

After 3 Hours

Sakura and Kakashi was waiting for Naruto to bring back Sasuke. Kakashi then decided that he would find Naruto and Sasuke. He then proceeded to Ichiraku Ramen to find Naruto. He gave up and went to Sasuke's Manor. When he reached the manor, he found Naruto outside a window with blood everywhere. He then looked into the window only to see more posters of naked girls. Kakashi then fell with a sever nosebleed but nobody could see it the blood because of his mask.

After Another 3 Hours

Sakura stood at the bridge, waiting for the three males of Team 7. She started to get impatient and went to Sasuke's manor. She saw a pool of blood and followed the trail of blood only to find Kakashi and Naruto collapsed on the floor by the window with blood all over them. She thought they were murdered. She then looked into Sasuke's window only to find, pictures of naked Guys and Girls. (A/N: WAHAHAHAHHAHA Sasuke's Bisexual) Sakura then collapsed to the ground with another severe nosebleed.

After Another 3 Hours

Tsunade, Hinata, Sakura's mom and Ayame. (A/N: if you dont know this, GO READ MY FIRST FIC!) Ayame was worried about Kakashi because she had secret feelings towards the perverted man. They searched everywhere around Konohagakure except the Uchiha Manor. They stopped infront of the Uchiha Manor. Everyone of them could smell blood. Tsunade started feeling quesy and ran to find the source of blood only to find Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto twitching outside the 'window' with blood all over them.

They went and took a peek inside the window only to find...

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! its called cliffhangers, don't you just love them?

Anyway, i'm sorry for not updating sooner, but my sister was hogging the computer and i couldn't wright until she finished her fic. SORRY!

Anyway, I have already finished the next chapter but i'll wait ti release it next week. Anyway, HAPPY READING XD

**The Pie Man**


	4. On HOLD!

_**Sasuke's Secret On HOLD!**_

With my school and all I can't write the 4th chapter of Sasuke'sSecret…. I did write chapter 4 but then my comp had 2 get reformatted cause of viruses….. sooo…. I think u all better not wait for my 4th chapter in quite a while sry for the inconvenience

ThE pIe MaN


	5. A secret that was blabbered

_**Sasuke' Secret Chapter 4**_

**Got no reviews to answer hahaha**

_**Previously:**_

After Another 3 Hours

Tsunade, Hinata, Sakura's mom and Ayame. (A/N: if you dont know this, GO READ MY FIRST FIC!) Ayame was worried about Kakashi because she had secret feelings towards the perverted man. They searched everywhere around Konohagakure except the Uchiha Manor. They stopped infront of the Uchiha Manor. Everyone of them could smell blood. Tsunade started feeling quesy and ran to find the source of blood only to find Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto twitching outside the 'window' with blood all over them.

They went and took a peek inside the window only to find...

Only to see a whole room of pictures or naked guys and girls(A/N: HE'S FREAKING BISEXUAL!)… and the few brave ninja's(and ramen girl and mother) went missing for quite awhile

After and Hour

The world was asking the same question over and over again… Where were the few ninja's that we come to love and hate at the same time?

After a week

It would seem that our "hero's and heroine's" finally awake from their…. 'peaceful'? Slumber. But the only one who remembers what happened was our very own Naruto. He realized that he awoke at his apartment. Not knowing how.. he took a bath and ran to town. Naruto remembered what was happeneing and screamed " GAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! HELP! UCHIHA SASUKE OF THE UCHIHA CLAN IS A PERVERT! YES, YOU HEARD ME! A PERV! A HENTAI! A SUKEBE! WAAAAAAAA GOD SAVE US ALL!

Everybody in Konoha was thinking.. '**THE** Uchiha Sasuke…. A pervert, I'll go see if its true'. And true to naruto's word everybody had a visit to the young Uchiha's apartment to find what they would think the worlds most pictures of 'sutff'.

Everybody screamed and ran away from the site. Word spread like a virus and everyone soon knew about the perverted young Uchiha.

While Sasuke was waking down the roads, all the girls in the road ran away or hid somewhere.He didn't know what was happening until a villager screamed " IT'S HIM! THE FREEAKING PERV! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

It was true.. they all did run for their lives until Sasuke grabbed a guy by the wrist. The guy pleaded "Please don't rape me, have a wife and 890 children….. Okay I lied about the 890 children but I do have 889 children". Sasuke screamed "SHUT UP! Who told you I was a pervert". And the villager not wanting to be raped by a perverted bisexual crazed whacko said "N-n-n-nar-r-ru-u-t-t-t-oo….. IT WAS NARUTO!" and he started crying.

Sasuke was so embarrassed he fled the city of Konoha. But in an instant, there was a bright flash and suddenly…….

**Hahaha**

**Another cliffhanger.**

**I know I haven't been updating much… its just that I just started secondary school and its hard.. seriously…. Anyway REVIEW PLS! and please vote for pairings… thanks**

**ThE pIe MaN**


	6. i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Hello, I am back from my umm 1 and ¾ year break, haha, actually I wanted to abandon my fic but, I felt bad so here goes….

**  
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, neither does my fren, or YOU, if your Masashi Kishimoto, ignore this.**

**  
Chapter 5 – what the hell? Is that orochimaru?**

**Previously:**

Sasuke was so embarrassed he fled the city of Konoha. But in an instant, there was a bright flash and suddenly…….

And Suddeny! (A/N: wow I never thought I would put this but.. anywho), he appeared at The Valley Of the End, there, he stood, and stood, and stood even more, thinking some1 would come and try to stop him… so he sat there.. for around… 80 days and 80 nights, living through scorching heat and freezing colds just waiting… waiting…waiting….(A/N: such a dumbass isn't he?)

After the 80th day, there emerging frm the shadows…was…was..was…

A Fricking squirrel, YES you heard me, SQUIREL!

Suddenly, the squirel changed into… A Pale looking man, by the looks of it, he was a pedophile, gay, Michael Jackson wannabe… ohmy… And there stood our hero… staring at the… Guy…

The pedophile said… "My,my aren't u a… smexy fellow… how would you like to come to my village, I can give u powers beyong your wildest imagination to avenge your clan…"

Then, Sasuke said, "Avenge what clan?". Orochimaru sighed and said.. " Aren't you Uchiha Sasuke?, Sole surviving Uchiha Member, survivor or the Uchiha massacre?"

(A/N: I'm getting tired of typing Orochimaru and Sasuke OVER AND OVER AGAIN, now they will be refrred to Sally and Oro… back to the story)

Then Sally said, " Oh…there was no massacre, their all jolly happy in Konoha"

Then oro asked, "Then why did u leave your village?"

Sally then proceded to sob.. and cried out…(A/N: in this part the '…' are him sobbing and the '-' are him stuttering.. that is al)

"… They… c-c-c-aalled… m-m-e-e a…a…a.. PERVERTTTTTTTTTTTTT WAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (A/N: the Wahahahahahhaaaaaaaaa part isn't laughing, tis more like a childish way of crying)

Oro stared and said.. " then.. Are you?", Sasuke stared back and sniffled. " A What?"

Oro said, "You know… a pervert?"…. Sally then screamed out " I AM NOT A PERVERT, I just stare at naked pictures of guys and girls and read Icha-Icha Paradise everyday, that's all… (A/N yeah… he isn't a perv, just a horny bastaaaaaddd)

Oro stared at him with the O.O eyes, the ones bulging out, you know, anyway back to the story…

Oro then said " Well, I have a village not too far from here… we have lots of shexy women and hawt guys there…"

Sally asked. "you don't have a forehead protector, what village are you talking about"

Oro then proceded to remove his hat/mask/makeup/mascara/fake eyelash only to show… the forehead protector with the symbol of the…

**Hehehe its me again!**

Well, what do you think? Konoho will send some1 to get sasuke.. believe it, but for the meantime.. let him wait.. like a fool he is!

**  
Anyway, I currently have 12 reviews… and I haven't been writing for awhile, so I'll update if I get atleast 2 reviews… bwahahaha I'm so evil… anyway**

**Happy Reviewing**

**ThE pIe MaN**

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	7. No more!

Hello, bah, I don't care about reviews, I wanna write a new fic but I want to FINISH this so, I think this will be the last chapter hopefully, it would be MUCH MUCH MUCH longer than my others ohwell, here goes

**  
****Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, neither does my fren, or YOU, if your Masashi Kishimoto, ignore this.**

**  
Chapter 6 – The Ending**

**Previously:**

Oro then said " Well, I have a village not too far from here… we have lots of shexy women and hawt guys there…"

Sally asked. "you don't have a forehead protector, what village are you talking about"

Oro then proceded to remove his hat/mask/makeup/mascara/fake eyelash only to show… the forehead protector with the symbol of the…

Michael Jacksons Face

Sally palled at the sight of Michael jacksons face carved onto a forehead protector…Sally then asked… "Why the hell do u have michael jacksons face on your forehead protector?"

Oro told him… "We Worship Him! His gay,pedophilic and plastic surgery ways has made our village the village it is 2day, mixed with hormonal driven flying kangaroos and an Platypus-Laying-Egg (A/N: An egg which gives birth to a platypus)…

Sally just stared at him with the 'Wow factor' such as… 'he's so cool' and… 'is there such thing as a platypus laying egg' and 'I wonder if he has any1 my age'

Oro stared at sasuke, waiting for a reply sasuke then said " I will follow you under 1 condition", "And what is that 1 condition?" questioned Oro… Sally said… "Trains go Choo-Choo"

"The hell?, Choo-choo?, do we even HAVE trains now?", Sally then retorted "Michael Jackson isn't born yet and you don't see ME complaining about it now do you u friggin white pally Michael Jackson wannabe"

"Ummm when trains are invented, I'll make sure they go Choo-Choo.. I'll even make them go Chuga-Chuga-Chuga-Chuga.". Sally said "Deal!, when do we go?", "right now"

And exactly at that moment, naruto jumped out from the Hokage at the waterfalls nose… Yes you heard/read/red/r-e-d/read as in pronouncing red but not red the colour but r e d as in red… nvm

"Sasuke!, STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP you useless no good son of a spidermans possy known as iron man!'…"Howd u know my father was iron man?" asked Sasuke… Naruto replied " I don't, I'm making this up on the way… anyway Sasuke Prepare..To… Fart!… Fuiton: Force Fart No Jutsu!!" screamed Naruto…

" CURSE YOU NAHHHH RUUUUH TOOOOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEE" and Sasuke went flying into to the direction of the village, but not Konoha.. no your very mistaken.. he went the opposite way, to the village called Michaelnahagakure.

"Oh shit, wrong village…" cursed Naruto as had sworn he saw some stuff dropping from the young Uchiha's pants. " Orochimaru, its not your turn… Flee while u still can, I have untold jutsu's more powerful than u can possibly imagine"

"Try me blondie" shouted Orochimaru. " Katon: Hari Ryu No Jutsu". At that moment, hairs over Naruto started growing… Every, single hair that Naruto possessed, even those parts, started to grow and Burn they were on fire!.. LITERALLY

In an instant, the hairs started attacking Oro like a whip, as mean as possible. But he doesn't stop, it just keeps whipping and whipping and whipping and whipping

**Somewhere In Micahelnogakure**

Kabuto was having a bad dream, so he went to 1 side of the bed and he started praying to Michael Jackson.. "Oh, almight michael jackson, I pray to thee, I pray you deliver me from my loneliness, I have served thee well, I have shaved all my hair, turned gay, and tried to get into every guys pants in the Village, Oh Michael, if you give me a man now, I Will FOREVER serve you until I die" prayed at the side of his bed.

Immediately, The room in Kabuto's room seem to fall and there was a light shining from it, then for what seemed like slowmotion to kabuto, sasuke fell down like an angel!

Sasuke then fell on the bed, not knowing where he was… Kabuto stared, and stared, and stared until suddenly… he screamed " FINALLY, HE ANSWERED MY PRAYERS, HE SENT YOU TO DEILVER ME FROM MY LONELINESS, OOOOOHHHHH GOODNESS COME HERE AND GIMME SOME SHURGAH!"

Kabuto then jumped onto the bed and started, molesting.. the works and started to show Sasuke the magic.

**At the valley of the end**

Orochimaru was beat, to say the least, actually, beat was an understatement, he was WHIPPED, literally WHIPPED, burn marks showed all around him showing that burning hairs have been whipping him for the past.. god knows… 6 hours? He only stood there as Naruto left knowing he did his job, and started to run back to Konoha.

It was at that exact moment that every1 would go deaf. The last sentence any1 heard was… "OH MY GOD SASUKE! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" and everyones world went blank…

**I don't really fancy this fic, well I'm off to make a long 1… hopefully, and make it around 50k words, I'll try…**

**Hope this isn't a disappointment, I lost intrest in this fic actually, oh well, a new fic here I come**

**ThE pIe MaN**


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